ちょっと思ったんだけど、

正しい意見なんてない。けど、意見を言うことは大切なことでしょ?

Friends or Boyfriends

Have you ever confessed to someone? 

 

I had once. That was one and a half years in summer. 

I am not the person who fall in love with someone whose looking is nice. Otherwise, I tend to have low interests in a guy who is called "ikemen" (handsome). I do not know why but this is me.

 

He and I "were" best friends even though we were not old friends. Our topics and interests are in common. I had never met anyone who is interested in what I also have been before I met him.

 

We hanged out together for a few times. Including with hanging out with our mutual friends, it is uncountable. I got some feeling for him at the end of summer. 

 

I knew he did not have girlfriends for a while (or never). However, because he is too perfect for me, I thought he would not love or even like me. The more we hanged out, the more I loved him. 

 

Finally, we went to a very popular theme park (as you can guess where it is tho lol). I know it is pretty weird to going there as not a pair of boy and girls, who are not dating. It is unusual.

 

But we did because I think we were best friends.

 

Almost two months later, I confessed my feeling to him. Face-to-face. It was the first time for me to do that.

 

He answered sorry but it was very unexpectadely in a polite way. I already deleted all our conversations and photos in which I were with him. I barely remember what he said to me at that time.

 

As I said before, I am not easy to fall in love. Then, this experience got me tears a lot. He said he still would like to be one of my friends. After this event, we did not chat or text anymore even though we did it.

 

This time, I lost one of my best male friends. I do not have more friends of boy than those of girls. Moreover, the number of best friends I mention and call is very limited. 

 

However, now I think I totally got over him. I was not sure I still liked him as a guy. But I do not have any special feeling for him right now. 

 

It might be because I am interested in the other guy or I just do not care about him?

 

As I said, I deleted all chat histories with him. But I remember that I send a birthday message last year on his birthday. 

 

I was hesitating to send it this year because I do not want him to remind me of confessing to him (it might be one of the bad memories for him, I think). However, to be honest, I literally had no opinion why I used to love him so much. That did not bother me sending a birthday wish to him this year.

 

I have not receiver any responce from him since we have such a huge time difference between where we live. I hope we "could" be friends and talk about our common interests again. 

 

There is one thins I am sure: I will never love him and confess to anyone else in the future.